Republican Or Not Republican

What is it to be a "Republican"? Or is it Conservative? Or Righty? Rightard? Wing nut? Chimpy McHilterburton disciple? Tea Bagger?

Since there are at this time only two VIABLE parties when voting in major elections, let's just use the term Republican. Since this is the name of the party most on the "right" seem to still use.

MY PERSONAL definition of Republican is as follows:

1.) To support limited Federal government. To me this means the Federal Government has 5 jobs: "establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defence, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity." And only those 5 jobs.

I do not see "buy out failing corporations" on that list. Nor do I see "give Yemen money to train more Al Qaeda fucks". Nor do I see anything about marriage, abortion, trans fats, salt, soda or goat fucking. I do not see "Cadillac Tax", carbon off set or polar bear habitat preservation on this list. I see nothing there about the rights of bastards from OTHER COUNTRIES, nor the rights of those who's sole purpose in life is to royally screw with our common "defence".

2.) To elect to office men or women willing to do those 5 jobs AND ONLY those 5 jobs.

To me PERSONALLY that is what a Republican is.

Discuss.

P.S. Don't fuck with me, I haven't had a beer in a week.