I haven't LOL'D this hard in a long....long time.
"Iowahawk Guest CommentaryThe rest is HERE......
by Abu Musab Al-Zarqawi
Former Senior VP, Al-Qaeda In Iraq
Yo brosephus, what's crackalackin' with the booty smackin'? Longtime no fatwa. Like what's it been, 5 years? Yeah, I know, I got a whole inbox full of emails from you infidel fags all like, "yo Zark, holla at a playa, how's that paradise shit workin' out witchu?" And by the way, you can stop sending me them stupid LOLgoat pictures, I seen 'em all. Listen chump, Zarkman ain't got time for your internet jibber jabber, or twitter twatter, or whatever that latest earth shit is. And stop asking me to friend you up on FagBook to play MafiaWars or Cowville and all that gayass computer shit. Yo cuzz, Zarkman gots bigger problems.
Let me help you out son: this paradise resort is a straightup kick in the dick. I ain't playin' with you holmes, this shithole is worse than the Ramadi Inn during Taliban convention week. Yeah, I know it's supposed to be Allah's own 5-Diamond eternal reward getaway, peace be upon him, blah blah blah. But for fuck sake, can't he afford to hire a better staff? Look, Zarkman don't like to bitch, but if these fuckers don't give me a room upgrade real soon I got half a mind to drop them a nasty rating on Priceline."